Hello, pillow-humper.

Yes, I know that some of you out there never did enjoy solely oiling up and fucking your fist, but maybe it’s not something you’d ever admit to anyone. Why are you ashamed of the fact that you like to stimulate your cock in more than one way? Is it because you feel it’s less than manly to lie face-down and grind?

I admit, prone is often a sexual position most often associated with women, or with gay men who bottom, but the fact that you love to hump your pillow to orgasm doesn’t have to mean any of that (not that it would be wrong if it did). It just means that you’ve found another way, and maybe the best way, for you to masturbate.

Here’s what I want you to do: get your favorite pillow (I know there’s one you like more than the others–it’s okay, and doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else), position it just as you like it, whether that’s folded lengthwise and stuffed deep between your thighs or laid flat and smooth, and pillow-hump your way to ecstasy, keeping this affirmation in mind:

Masturbation is a personal, private thing.

It is subject to personal taste.

Everyone has their own method, their own style

And if it feels good, it’s a good method.

Including humping pillows.

Be proud if you like them firm and flat and folded.

Enjoy if you like them fat and fluffy and soft.

Hump away, whether you like a cotton cover or a satin one

Pillow humping is fun, and no one’s business but your own.

It doesn’t make you strange or perverted.

It makes you creative.

Of course you like to utterly relax into the pleasure, to not use anything but the movements of your hips to enjoy that most private of times.

And when you cum, all you have to do is change the cover.

Expedient and creative.

There’s nothing wrong with pillow humping masturbation.

Good boy.

Hump that pillow until you cum!